What I Saw Sherlock Doing Last Night
by Lauren Order
Summary: Finally, the infamous Army Riot's fanfiction is published for all to see! However, he took the first chapter down and replaced it with something entirely different!  Best if read after Breaking the Fourth Wall/The Truth


What I Saw Sherlock Doing Last Night Through His Bedroom Window

By Army_Riot

_[Well, it seems I had to withdraw that photograph and subsequently the first chapter. Ah, who am I kidding, I didn't have to; I just chose to. Because I decided to play along with your little game. You know I do love a good game.]_

Once upon a time, the evil dude knocked on Sherlock's door again and said, "Surprise, I'm back!" and promptly carried out a swift and terrible revenge. No, it wasn't killing him. That would have been too easy. This time, the evil dude took Sherlock's violin and _smashed it to pieces_.

See, the evil dude happened to know that My Little Ponies _detest_ violin music; therefore, he was only doing a favour for both the ponies and John Watson. Of course, John took that the wrong way. He was uninformed and thought that Sherlock's playing was beautiful, when it was, in fact, terrible. Sherlock was at best an amateur. And he hates being called an amateur.

However, the My Little Ponies have nothing to do with the real focus of this chapter: what I saw Sherlock doing _tonight_ through his bedroom window.

I have no photographic evidence this time, but you'll have to take my word for it. I'm what you'd call… a _reliable_ source. Because I am the only one who could possibly stay calm and write a story after seeing such a strange display of affection within the walls of 221B Baker Street.

One would find it hard to believe that Sherlock has a life-sized replica of his colleague in his closet. Unfortunately, this is true. Sherlock simply cannot gain the affections of the _real_ human being who happens to live in the same flat, so he finds it necessary to take this- I don't know what you'd call it- and do questionable things to it; namely covering it in jam and licking it off, and… well… I'd rather not say the rest. I think you can come up with an adequate idea.

The whole time, Sherlock likes to shout things that make no sense to the untrained ear. He will spout off nonsense such as, "Doctor, I need a check-up," "Cover me in the warmth of your jumper," "I know my intellect is actually quite enthralling," and the coup de gras, "My little pony…!"

All right, that last one was slightly wrong. In fact, Sherlock is quoted as saying, "My sexy kitten." Even better, if you ask me!

I do hope John Watson is reading this, because I know if I were him, I would reconsider having him as my flatmate. This sort of behaviour warrants a police investigation, if nothing else. I'm certain Sgt Donovan would be willing to look into it.

This story wouldn't be complete without a dramatic finish to the original fanfiction. Without further ado… the thrilling conclusion!

"How _dare_ you call me an amateur?" Sherlock shouted at the evil dude. "I know I can play the violin, and you're just a critic who knows nothing about music."

The evil dude just smiled and then burst out laughing. "Well, _you're_ just a critic who knows nothing about your boyfriend. For example… he's not here anymore, is he?"

Sherlock looked around frantically for the love of his life. "What have you done with him?"

"Perhaps I could tell you. Actually, no. Let's let _him_ tell you."

Sherlock sat down in his favourite chair and braced himself for whatever he was about to hear from his dearly beloved.

"_Sherlock… please… never play the violin again,"_ came John's voice from the evil dude's cell phone, which he had on speakerphone.

"You idiot," the evil dude said. "I already broke his violin, so how would he even play it at this point? And Sherlock, I never expected you would pick someone so stupid to help you out. Maybe you just have him do chores? Is that what he's here for?"

"… yes. Actually, I'm surprised he never realised he was the chore boy. Let's go, evil dude. You're the best," Sherlock said, getting up and walking into the sunset with his new BFF.

_[Using the word 'dude' was a lot more fun than I expected! And John, this is unfortunately somewhat true. You've been used this whole time by Sherlock. He's just too lazy to do his own shopping.]_


End file.
